ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL FEELINGS: WHAT IS MUTUAL MASTURBATION?

WHAT DO PEOPLE MEAN WHEN THEY SAY ‘DOING EVERYTHING BUT’?

WHAT DOES ‘GOING ALL THE WAY’ MEAN? IS IT ALL RIGHT TO KISS ON YOUR FIRST DATE? IS NECKING WRONG? HOW ABOUT PETTING?

HOW FAR IS ‘TOO FAR’ TO GO? WHERE SHOULD YOU DRAW THE LINE? IS IT OK TO ‘DO EVERYTHING BUT’, AS LONG AS YOU DON’T ‘GOALLTHEWAY’ AND HAVE SEX?

Mutual masturbation means masturbating with another person or masturbating each other. ‘Doing everything but’ means that although two people stop short of having sexual intercourse, they engage in other forms of physical closeness such as heavy petting, getting naked or partially naked and hugging, rubbing or touching each other’s bodies; mutual masturbation; oral-genital sex or other intimate sexual contact. ‘Going all the way’ means having sexual intercourse; that is, the male putting his penis in the female’s vagina.

Is it all right to kiss on your first date?

Is necking wrong? How about petting?

How far is ‘too far’ to go? Where should you draw the line? Is it OK to ‘do everything but’, as

long as you don’t ‘go all the way’ and have sex?

As we explained earlier, if everyone agreed upon these issues, these would be easy questions to answer. But different people have different answers to these sorts of questions. For instance, some people think it’s ‘too soon’ or just ‘not right’ to kiss on a first date, while others think it’s perfectly acceptable to do so. Some people think necking is OK; others don’t. Some people have moral objections or think it’s ‘sinful’ to go beyond necking or perhaps light petting. Some don’t think this is morally wrong or sinful, but are afraid that young people who get involved in necking or petting might get too ‘carried away’ or ‘turned on’ and wind up having sex or doing something else they might regret later on. Some feel light petting is OK, but draw a line at heavy petting. Some feel it’s all right to ‘do everything but’ as long as you don’t ‘go all the way’ and actually have sexual intercourse. Other people have still other opinions on these issues; and some people just aren’t certain exactly how to answer these sorts of questions.

Young people’s answers to the sorts of questions listed above are strongly influenced by their personal situation-by their parents’ values, their friends’ opinions, their religion’s teachings, their own moral beliefs and/or their emotional feelings. These influences may be different in each case and may affect each of us differently, and as we’ve said, there isn’t one agreed-upon set of answers to these questions. But even though there isn’t one set of rules that everyone follows, we think there are some basic guidelines that are helpful to anyone facing these questions, regardless of their personal situations, morals, or values.

1. Whether it’s French-kissing, petting or going further, don’t let yourself be rushed into anything. Do only what you’re really sure you want to do (or at least as sure as you can be). If you’re not sure, don’t do it. Wait until you are sure. After all, you have many years ahead of you; you can afford to wait until you are sure.

2. Ask yourself how you feel about this other person. Is this someone you trust? Will this person start rumours or gossip about you? Are you doing these things because you really care about this person or simply because you’re curious to try these things? Young people are naturally curious about how it feels to neck, pet or do some of these other things, but remember that it may not be as pleasurable if you’re only doing it out of curiosity.

3. Ask yourself why you want to do this. Your real reasons for kissing, necking, petting or experimenting sexually in other ways may not have much to do with your feelings about the other person or even with your curiosity about or eagerness to try these things. Some real reasons might be: hoping to prove you’re grown-up, trying to become more popular or being afraid you’ll ‘lose’ him or her, if you don’t. But agreeing to kiss, neck, pet or go further for these reasons just doesn’t work. It wouldn’t solve your problems; in fact, it may create new ones.

4. Don’t pressure someone into doing something he or she doesn’t want to do. This pressure may take the form of a boy persuading a girl to go further than she really wants to or of a girl acting like a boy isn’t ‘manly’ if he doesn’t want to kiss or doesn’t try to get her to go further. Or it may take some other form. In any event it’s just not fair to put this sort of pressure on another person.

5. Don’t let someone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do and don’t do something because ‘everyone else is doing it’. Make up your own mind.

6. Don’t allow yourself to fall for a ‘line’ like: ‘If you liked me, you’d neck with me.’

‘If you truly care about me, you wouldn’t say no.’ ‘If you don’t, I’ll find someone else who will.’ ‘Everybody else is doing it.’

If someone hands you one of these lines, turn it back on them:

‘If you truly cared about me, you wouldn’t pressure me.’ ‘Prove you love me by not pushing me.’ ‘Go ahead and find someone else.’

‘If everybody else is doing it, you shouldn’t have much trouble finding someone to do it with you.’

7. Don’t assume you know what the other person is thinking, ask. Many boys and girls get involved in necking, petting or other sexual activities even though they don’t really want to just because they think the other person wants or expects to do these things. But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes neither really wants to, so talk things over first.

8. Don’t be afraid to say no. Sometimes young people get involved in doing something because they’re afraid they’ll hurt someone’s feelings by saying no. We’re all taught not to be selfish or hurt another’s feelings. But sexuality is one area of life in which it’s right to be selfish and to think of yourself first, so if you don’t want to do something, it’s OK to say no. Sometimes young people go along with something because they don’t quite know how to stop it from happening. But remember, if you don’t want to, all you have to say is one simple word: no.

9. Don’t be surprised if you don’t always know the answers to questions about what’s right or wrong for you. If you don’t know, remember that you can always choose to wait and to take some time to think through these issues, and to talk them over with others before making a decision.

10. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake and afterwards find that you’ve done something you wish you hadn’t. Learning to make decisions about how to handle your romantic and sexual feelings is just like learning anything else: you’re bound to make mistakes.

Remember, too, that if you have done something you regret, you can always decide to behave differently in the future.

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Posted on Friday, March 27th, 2009 at 5:19 am and is filed under Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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