ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL FEELINGS: WHAT IS MUTUAL MASTURBATION?

March 27th, 2009 Posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction | No Comments »

WHAT DO PEOPLE MEAN WHEN THEY SAY ‘DOING EVERYTHING BUT’?

WHAT DOES ‘GOING ALL THE WAY’ MEAN? IS IT ALL RIGHT TO KISS ON YOUR FIRST DATE? IS NECKING WRONG? HOW ABOUT PETTING?

HOW FAR IS ‘TOO FAR’ TO GO? WHERE SHOULD YOU DRAW THE LINE? IS IT OK TO ‘DO EVERYTHING BUT’, AS LONG AS YOU DON’T ‘GOALLTHEWAY’ AND HAVE SEX?

Mutual masturbation means masturbating with another person or masturbating each other. ‘Doing everything but’ means that although two people stop short of having sexual intercourse, they engage in other forms of physical closeness such as heavy petting, getting naked or partially naked and hugging, rubbing or touching each other’s bodies; mutual masturbation; oral-genital sex or other intimate sexual contact. ‘Going all the way’ means having sexual intercourse; that is, the male putting his penis in the female’s vagina.

Is it all right to kiss on your first date?

Is necking wrong? How about petting?

How far is ‘too far’ to go? Where should you draw the line? Is it OK to ‘do everything but’, as

long as you don’t ‘go all the way’ and have sex?

As we explained earlier, if everyone agreed upon these issues, these would be easy questions to answer. But different people have different answers to these sorts of questions. For instance, some people think it’s ‘too soon’ or just ‘not right’ to kiss on a first date, while others think it’s perfectly acceptable to do so. Some people think necking is OK; others don’t. Some people have moral objections or think it’s ‘sinful’ to go beyond necking or perhaps light petting. Some don’t think this is morally wrong or sinful, but are afraid that young people who get involved in necking or petting might get too ‘carried away’ or ‘turned on’ and wind up having sex or doing something else they might regret later on. Some feel light petting is OK, but draw a line at heavy petting. Some feel it’s all right to ‘do everything but’ as long as you don’t ‘go all the way’ and actually have sexual intercourse. Other people have still other opinions on these issues; and some people just aren’t certain exactly how to answer these sorts of questions.

Young people’s answers to the sorts of questions listed above are strongly influenced by their personal situation-by their parents’ values, their friends’ opinions, their religion’s teachings, their own moral beliefs and/or their emotional feelings. These influences may be different in each case and may affect each of us differently, and as we’ve said, there isn’t one agreed-upon set of answers to these questions. But even though there isn’t one set of rules that everyone follows, we think there are some basic guidelines that are helpful to anyone facing these questions, regardless of their personal situations, morals, or values.

1. Whether it’s French-kissing, petting or going further, don’t let yourself be rushed into anything. Do only what you’re really sure you want to do (or at least as sure as you can be). If you’re not sure, don’t do it. Wait until you are sure. After all, you have many years ahead of you; you can afford to wait until you are sure.

2. Ask yourself how you feel about this other person. Is this someone you trust? Will this person start rumours or gossip about you? Are you doing these things because you really care about this person or simply because you’re curious to try these things? Young people are naturally curious about how it feels to neck, pet or do some of these other things, but remember that it may not be as pleasurable if you’re only doing it out of curiosity.

3. Ask yourself why you want to do this. Your real reasons for kissing, necking, petting or experimenting sexually in other ways may not have much to do with your feelings about the other person or even with your curiosity about or eagerness to try these things. Some real reasons might be: hoping to prove you’re grown-up, trying to become more popular or being afraid you’ll ‘lose’ him or her, if you don’t. But agreeing to kiss, neck, pet or go further for these reasons just doesn’t work. It wouldn’t solve your problems; in fact, it may create new ones.

4. Don’t pressure someone into doing something he or she doesn’t want to do. This pressure may take the form of a boy persuading a girl to go further than she really wants to or of a girl acting like a boy isn’t ‘manly’ if he doesn’t want to kiss or doesn’t try to get her to go further. Or it may take some other form. In any event it’s just not fair to put this sort of pressure on another person.

5. Don’t let someone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do and don’t do something because ‘everyone else is doing it’. Make up your own mind.

6. Don’t allow yourself to fall for a ‘line’ like: ‘If you liked me, you’d neck with me.’

‘If you truly care about me, you wouldn’t say no.’ ‘If you don’t, I’ll find someone else who will.’ ‘Everybody else is doing it.’

If someone hands you one of these lines, turn it back on them:

‘If you truly cared about me, you wouldn’t pressure me.’ ‘Prove you love me by not pushing me.’ ‘Go ahead and find someone else.’

‘If everybody else is doing it, you shouldn’t have much trouble finding someone to do it with you.’

7. Don’t assume you know what the other person is thinking, ask. Many boys and girls get involved in necking, petting or other sexual activities even though they don’t really want to just because they think the other person wants or expects to do these things. But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes neither really wants to, so talk things over first.

8. Don’t be afraid to say no. Sometimes young people get involved in doing something because they’re afraid they’ll hurt someone’s feelings by saying no. We’re all taught not to be selfish or hurt another’s feelings. But sexuality is one area of life in which it’s right to be selfish and to think of yourself first, so if you don’t want to do something, it’s OK to say no. Sometimes young people go along with something because they don’t quite know how to stop it from happening. But remember, if you don’t want to, all you have to say is one simple word: no.

9. Don’t be surprised if you don’t always know the answers to questions about what’s right or wrong for you. If you don’t know, remember that you can always choose to wait and to take some time to think through these issues, and to talk them over with others before making a decision.

10. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake and afterwards find that you’ve done something you wish you hadn’t. Learning to make decisions about how to handle your romantic and sexual feelings is just like learning anything else: you’re bound to make mistakes.

Remember, too, that if you have done something you regret, you can always decide to behave differently in the future.

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ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL FEELINGS: GOING OUT

March 27th, 2009 Posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction | No Comments »

As they move through puberty and into their teen years, many young people begin going out. This can be fun and exciting, but it can also create problems. For instance, you may want to go out before your parents think you’re old enough. Or you may not be ready to go out, and your parents or friends may be pushing you into it. You may have trouble deciding whether you want to go steady with one person or go out with lots of different people. If you’ve been going out with one person regularly and decide you want to go out with others, you may have problems in ending your steady dating relationship. Or if your steady boy-friend or girl-friend decides to change the relationship, you may have a hard time coping with this. On the other hand, if you want to go out and no one is interested in going out with you, you may feel rather depressed.

Here again, if you’re having problems that relate to going out, it might be helpful for you to talk them over with someone you respect and trust. One of your parents, another adult you trust, a friend or an older brother or sister might be someone you could talk to. It might also be helpful for you to hear some of the questions about this subject that come up in our classes.

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OTHER HEALTH PROBLEMS: MY PENIS IS SORT OF SWOLLEN AND RED AND MY FORESKIN IS STUCK, SO I CAN’T PULL IT DOWN. WHAT’S WRONG? I HAVE PAIN IN MY GENITALS, BUT I DON’T REALLY WANT TO SEE A DOCTOR. I’VE NEVER HAD SEX, SO IT CAN’T BE S TD. WHAT COULD IT BE?

March 27th, 2009 Posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction | No Comments »

Sometimes these symptoms are caused by a foreskin that’s too tight or a foreskin that becomes stuck to the glans. This can be quite uncomfortable, and may cause pain and swelling. Such problems can be cured by circumcision and there are sometimes other ways of treating the problem. It’s important, though, that you see a doctor and have the problem taken care of.

I have pain in my genitals, but I don’t really want to see a doctor. I’ve never had sex, so it can’t be STD. What could it be?

It’s a bit difficult to say what could be causing this problem without knowing more. We’ve already explained about urethritis, retrograde ejaculation and foreskin problems — any of which could cause pain in the genitals. In addition, here are some other possibilities:

• Swollen glands: there are glands in the genital area called lymph glands. It’s possible, even if you’ve never had sex, to get an infection in these glands, which can result in pain and swelling. Treatment with antibiotics usually cures the problem.

• ‘Aching balls’: aching balls isn’t really a disease or a medical problem, but it can cause pain in the testicles or genital area. Aching balls happens when a boy has an erection for a long time without ejaculating or without having his penis get soft again (because he’s still sexually stimulated). For example, a boy could have a long kissing session with his girl-friend that could cause him to have a prolonged erection that might result in aching balls. Even after his erection goes away, the achy feeling may persist. It happens because the blood is trapped in the penis for such a long time. Although it may be uncomfortable for a while, it’s not a serious problem and doesn’t require a doctor’s treatment. The achy feeling goes away in, at most, a few hours.

• Hernia: a hernia occurs when part of the intestines bulge through a weak spot in the wall of the abdomen. If it happens in the lower part of the abdomen, it can cause pain in the genital area. If untreated, hernias can cause serious medical problems. They are usually treated by surgery in which the doctor repairs the weak spot.

• Twisted testicles: this is rare and no one knows just why it happens, but when it does it is a medical emergency. It usually follows some physical exertion and causes extreme pain, nausea, vomiting and fever. It requires immediate surgery to correct.

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SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES: CANDIDIASIS

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This infection is more commonly known as thrush or yeast or fungus infections. In females this infection causes a white, curd cheese-like vaginal discharge and itching, redness and tenderness of the vulva. The yeast organisms don’t survive well on the penis, so males don’t often get the infection. When they do, they are frequently asymptomatic. Male partners of women who are infected are often given treatment even when they don’t have symptoms. The yeast organisms may be introduced into the vagina by sexual contact, but a female may also develop the infection in other ways. Improper wiping after a bowel movement may bring yeasts living in the rectum into the vagina. Yeast organisms are apparently normal inhabitants of some females’ vaginas, but the acidity of the vagina keeps them in check so they don’t multiply and cause symptoms. Taking antibiotics, being pregnant and having diabetes changes the normal acidity of the vagina in some women, causing the yeast organisms to multiply and producing symptoms. Treatment is usually with special creams placed in the vagina. Though bothersome, yeast infections don’t usually lead to major medical problems and therefore aren’t considered as serious as some of the other STDs.

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METHODS OF CONTRACEPTION: EFFECTIVENESS CHART 2

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Effectiveness Chart 2 on-It tells you how many pregnancies we’d expect not only because the method failed to do its job, as in Chart 1, but also because the users of the method failed to use the method consistently and properly. The pregnancy rates given in Chart 2 are based on studies of real people who, as you know, sometimes make mistakes. Of course, for any given couple, a method might work better or worse than the figures in Chart 2 indicate, depending on how careful or how careless they are.

Effectiveness Chart 2-In a typical group of 100 women using the method for a year, there are usually:

• none or only 1 pregnancy out of 100 injectable contraceptive users;

• about 1 to 7 pregnancies out of 100 combined-pill users;

• about 2 to 4 pregnancies out of 100 mini-pill users;

• about 2 to 4 pregnancies out of 100 IUD users;

• from 2 to 15 pregnancies out of 100 condom users;

• from 2 to 15 pregnancies out of 100 diaphragm or cap users;

• from 3 to 16 pregnancies out of 100 contraceptive foam users;

• from 7 to 24 pregnancies out of 100 Natural Family Planning users.

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